Sunday, 23 June 2013

June ICLW and gargoyles

Today my husband and I took an impromptu trip to Oxford, just to escape our worries for a few hours. We took lots of photos as we strolled around the city. I didn't stop thinking about what might be going on inside me but it was a lovely few hours. I did realise, whilst wandering along a cobbled street, that I have done nothing for ICLW this month. This isn't good and I will attempt to rectify my error with gargoyles.

Two and a half weeks ago a doctor placed two perfect embryos into my well prepared uterus. The whole experience was spellbinding and I held out for a staggering six days before I buckled and took a pregnancy test.

Two perfect pink lines popped up. Shocked, I don't know why getting pregnant via IVF is shocking but it is, my husband and I celebrated.

Things started to go a bit wobbly when I couldn't stop myself from peeing on the dreaded sticks. 

The blasted things refused to go darker or to stop fading in and out. 

I wished, hoped and prayed. It didn't help; the darn tests refused to comply. I succumbed to the fear and begged my GP for a blood test.

The result, from a blood sample taken at 13dp5dt, was 81mIU/mL. The doctor said this was low and ordered a second test.

I duly submitted my arm to the phlebotomist fifteen days after our exquisite embryos had entered my uterus.

There was 130mIU/mL of hCG in my blood at 18dp5dt 15dp5dt. This is low, low, low. My GP warned of an ectopic pregnancy and instructed me to call my clinic. My clinic confirmed fears of an ectopic pregnancy, told me what to watch out for and said the hCG was low and slow.

My husband went on an internet rampage and found a chart that we hoped would comfort us.

If you look closely you can see our first blood test just scraped into the minimum acceptable level. However, our second blood test result has fallen off the bottom of the bloomin' scale. The doubling time for my hCG hormone level is 75 hours. Not great. Ideally the hormone should double every 48 hours but anything faster than 72 hours is considered okay.

Recently my husband and I have been doing a lot of this:

It could still all be fine and dandy but it isn't looking likely. So we are still doing this:


  1. Hello from ICLW, hoping it's not an ectopic! :(

  2. This is the most beautifully heartbreaking post. I am glad you are holding each other. I am thinking of you both and wishing so very much that all will be well. So much love x

  3. Here from ICLW. Hoping against hope this is not an ectopic. :(

  4. Oh Ana,

    How stressful! I'll be praying with you that you've got a little embryo that is just taking his sweet time making hCG. Hugs!

  5. Still have you in my prayers Ana! <3

  6. Oh Ana, I have just caught up on the emotional whirlwind that you've been through in the last few weeks. I am so sorry my friend, but I am glad that in this moment of uncertainty and worry you are drawn closer to each other, and I'm sending all my hopes and prayers that you prove to be one of the glimmering, hopeful stories of success that will reassure others in the future! Hang in there. Sending love.

  7. Sorry I have been away and missed your updates. I totally understand how it feels to be in Beta limbo and I remember doing the internet rampage. Sigh, why does it have to be so hard. Sending you hugs.

  8. The way you have incorporated the pictures in your post is amazing.

    I am sorry for the falling betas.

    Please take care.


  9. Stopping by from ICLW. I am so sorry for the ectopic. I had two chemicals after our first IVF and FET. It was so heartbreaking. I am sending you lots of thoughts!

  10. I am so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Just found your site and am thinking of you. I'm at


  12. Ana, I know you're probably not checking blogger these days, but just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you each and every day and hoping that you've had some good news. Whatever the case, and whenever you're ready, please know that we are here to listen and support however we can. I couldn't find an email contact on your blog, but mine is on the sidebar of my page, if you want to reach out. Sending love.

  13. Hey Ana, just checking in to see how you're doing. I know you're going through a rough time right now, but just know that I'm here if you need anything <3 Hope you're doing ok.